The number of perfectionists has grown rapidly in recent decades. You can read about what perfectionism is here. Here, I will explain more about the three different types of perfectionism. Which ones do you recognize in yourself or others?
Self-critical perfectionism
Of the three types of perfectionism, self-critical perfectionism is the most difficult variant. Because these perfectionists often perform very well and (almost) never 'fail' in the eyes of the outside world, this form of perfectionism seems very rewarding. To the outside world, it seems as if this perfectionist has everything under control and gets everything done. However, there is a downside to this. Or rather, there is something underneath it.
By striving for perfection, self-critical perfectionists try to hide their vulnerability. To mask this, they have a constant urge to control and a strong Inner Critic. They link their self-esteem to results achieved at work, in their studies, friendships, and other relationships. This is also the pitfall of this type of perfectionism: when something disappoints, they feel their underlyinglowself-esteem and lack of self-love even more acutely. Even if they are verysuccessful, they arerarelyable toenjoyall their achievements.
A self-critical perfectionist experiences morestressand a stronger sense offailurewhen things do go wrong. It is linked to high blood pressure,burnout, depression, eating disorders, and even suicidal thoughts.
For a self-critical perfectionist, the biggest challenge is learning to allow vulnerability, developing self-compassion, and learning to be genuinely satisfied with the results achieved.
Socially oriented perfectionism
This is the most crippling of the three types of perfectionism. Socially oriented perfectionists mainly experience feelings of powerlessness,fear of failure,loss ofcontrol, and injustice due to theextremely high expectations of others. This form of perfectionism also has negative mental consequences, such asanxiety(anxiety symptoms or an anxiety disorder), depressive symptoms, and even suicidal thoughts. <sup>[1]</sup>
In a world where children are taught that they can become and achieve anything if they try hard enough, (unrealistic) expectations of perfection are unfortunately also increasing significantly.
Many children experience their social environment as judgmental and increasingly feel that they must be perfect in order to fit in. In the 1990s, young people saw images of their idols that had been perfected with makeup. Nowadays, every phone has filters to remove imperfections, and AI is creating even more unrealistic images. These are standards that no human being can meet. In my opinion, no one should have to meet them.
It is not only children and young adults who feel this increased pressure; parents also feel pressure to raise successful children. As a result, they are investing more time than ever in their children's school activities and less in hobbies and leisure activities with their children.<sup>[2]</sup>
In the United States in particular, there has been a significant increase in self-critical and socially oriented perfectionism in recent decades. Researchers believe that this may be due to individualism and (the illusion of)the malleability of theAmerican Dream. A society in which climbing the social and economic ladder is only reserved for those who have worked hard enough and truly deserve it. The downside of this is that those who are not successful have only themselves to blame. In recent years, this idea of social engineering has also become increasingly popular in Europe.
Other-oriented perfectionism
In other-oriented perfectionism, it is others who fall short in the eyes of the perfectionist. As soon as this happens—and it happens quickly—the other person is accused, criticized, and treated with hostility and contempt.
Other-oriented perfectionists are generally more vindictive, hostile, externalizing, distrustful, and less altruistic and accommodating. They often haveproblems with intimate relationships, aremoreprone toconflict with others, and often have a narcissisticdesire for admiration from others.
Researchers see a link between the growth of this constant criticism of others and the increase in self-promotion, hostility towards others, narcissism, assertiveness, and a dismissive attachment style.<sup>[3]</sup> This growth is particularly evident in the US and Canada, where self-promotion is more accepted than in Europe. In Europe, modesty is often more highly valued, especially in women.
In collectivist cultures (such as in Asia), where great importance is attached to social behavior and the interests of the group, this form of perfectionism is much less prevalent among young people. Instead, socially prescribed perfectionism, fear of making mistakes, and fear of criticism from parents are much more prevalent.<sup>[4]</sup>
Dealing with perfectionism
There is no ready-made solution for perfectionism. Because perfectionism has its roots in childhood, part of the solution can also be found there. Researchers recommend investing in healthy attachment between parents and their children, but also with other important people in children's lives. For example, siblings, peers, and later in life, romantic partners. In this context, healthy attachment means, among other things, prioritizing connection over criticism, showing vulnerability to each other, and encouraging trust and autonomy.
Even after your childhood, there is a lot you can do to combat your perfectionism. It will never go away completely, but you can learn to deal with perfectionism.Develop self-compassion, which is the opposite of perfectionism. You can learn to view yourself and others with more compassion,embraceyourvulnerability, andunmask yourInner Critic(or Judge).
Would you also like to tackle your perfectionism? Feel free to contact get in touch with me or schedule an appointment right away introductory meeting in.
After reading this article, are you still unsure whether you suffer from perfectionism? Then take the perfectionism test here.
<sup>[1]</sup>Martin, Flett, Hewitt, Krames, & Szanto, 1996; Hewitt, Flett, & Weber, 1994; Sherry, Hewitt, Flett, & Harvey, 2003
<sup>[2]</sup>Ramey & Ramey, 2010
<sup>[3]</sup> Konrath, Chopik, Hsing, & O’Brien, 2014; Twenge, 2001b; Twenge et al., 2008
<sup>[4]</sup> Chang, 1998, 2002; Pulford, Johnson, & Awaida, 2006