What is perfectionism?

A definition of perfectionism

Rarely being satisfied, constantly raising the bar, setting high standards, control anxiety, self-criticism, never being able to relax completely and working just until it is "perfect." These are all characteristics of perfectionism. Many perfectionists are also ambitious, disciplined, very precise and have a great sense of responsibility. However, this does not mean that every perfectionist is successful to the outside world! Perfectionism can also be paralyzing, causing you to actually fail to achieve your goals and continue to perform below your ability.

A precise definition of perfectionism does not exist, but boils down to what researcher Brené Brown describes as: 

"If I look perfect, live perfectly and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or limit the pain of criticism, judgments, blame and shame."

Perfectionists thus pursue perfection in appearance and literally try to perform and be perfect. They have high personal standards and are highly critical of themselves and/or others. Perfectionism often has unpleasant consequences such as anxiety, burnout, eating disorders, depression and disrupted relationships. The goal is to avoid vulnerability, for example with control issues, but this is at the expense of connection with others as well as connection with yourself. 

3 Types of perfectionism

The number of perfectionists has grown significantly in recent generations. Research by Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill among more than 40,000 students shows that the current generation of younger people experience others making more demands on them, that they themselves make more demands on others AND that they make more demands on themselves. 

<sup data-fn="92576aa1-ae15-4b3a-b021-24a1a30a83ef" class="fn"><a href="#92576aa1-ae15-4b3a-b021-24a1a30a83ef" id="92576aa1-ae15-4b3a-b021-24a1a30a83ef-link">1</a></sup>Uit dit onderzoek bleek dan ook dat er <strong>3 soorten perfectionisme</strong> te onderscheiden zijn.

In self-oriented perfectionism or self-oriented perfectionism, a person irrationally values being perfect, has unrealistically high expectations of himself and is very critical of himself. 

Social perfectionism or socially perscribed perfectionism occurs when a person believes that the environment places extremely high demands on them, that others judge them very critically, and that they must show perfection in order to gain social approval. 

When the extremely high expectations and unachievable demands are placed mainly on others and a person is highly critical of others (and externalizes), we speak of others-oriented perfectionismor other-oriented perfectionism. 

Healthy and unhealthy perfectionism

There is sometimes talk about adaptive and - maladaptive perfectionism. Adapted and maladapted, in other words. This gives the impression that there is such a thing as healthy perfectionism. However, that hypothesis is long outdated. There is no such thing as healthy perfectionism. There is a distinction between perfectionism and healthy striving. In healthy striving, simply put, you give your best without external motivation. You do your best because you feel the need to. You feel an intrinsic motivation to develop and feel proud and satisfied with the result.  

Perfectionism is externally motivated, focused on judgments from (or about) others. Perfectionism is fear-driven, and unfortunately that fear does not diminish (permanently) when you produce perfect work, look perfect or demonstrate perfect behavior. 

Because perfectionism often gives a brief reward, such as relief, but criticism or judgment often comes anyway, perfectionism is addictive. Typical perfectionist behavior is trying to do it even more perfectly the next time, hoping to avoid any form of judgment or criticism. So perfectionism is actually a way of regulating your emotions. 

So is perfectionism necessarily negative? Can perfectionism be positive? Well, so when we talk about healthy perfectionism or positive perfectionism we are actually talking about healthy striving. So: when you have ambitions, set the bar high and this does not detract from your self-esteem, relationships and overall sense of happiness, there is nothing to worry about.

Do you find that you always strive for more, but you are rarely satisfied or only for a short period of time and that perfectionism hinders you from being truly happy, feel free to discover how perfectionism coaching can help you in an introductory meeting.

1. Source Thomas Curran and Andrew P. Hill - Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016 ︎